[attr="class","kap"]He wasn't sure what really brought him here. One minute, he was trying to drown out his sorrows at home, only to find out that the well had gone dry, and the next he was wandering downtown looking for something. A barrel to find himself at the bottom of, or an answer. He didn't know. An answer sounded impossible at this point, however.

But then Zephyr found him. He must have seemed pretty pitiful to be picked up so quickly. Shown around. Given the company he was so desperate for.

And Zephyr was drawing him right to where he needed to do. A place to drink and forgot, but this time with company. "Blind monkey... cute name..." he looked around, eyes darkened and sad. He was intrigued by it all, but it took a lot to get a spark in his gaze anymore. "You might regret saying those words. I've been kicked out of a few bars recently." Not for bar fights. He was a very good customer. People just didn't take well to deserters. He'd just made a last ditch attempt to save himself, if you catch the drift. He'd left the very place that reminded him of everything he'd lost.

Was it any better? Not really, no. But it was a sole action that he took for himself to help himself. Some ounce of control. He needed something.

Kap looked to his company again, feeling relieved. It was nice just having someone that cared to listen and help him move his damned feet. "Yeah?" He may come to regret letting Kap have an open check like that, too. He dropped into a seat at the bar, not even questioning it. He was too exhausted to. He'd just take the good will for what it was worth. "Whatever the hell a Woo Woo is, I'll take that. Just because it's fun to say." It wasn't long after that the bartender whipped up vodka, cranberry, and peach schnapps into a glass with a shot of fizz and set it down in front of him. He sipped it, shaking his head. "That's like candy, damn... that's dangerous..."

[attr="class","kap"]Fell onto somebody's bad side? "Something like that, yeah," he left it at that for now. Free drinks for a story, he said. He could understand that. Who wouldn't cant to hear about why someone committed social suicide? He was the talk of the damn down right now.

But he really didn't have the foresight or will to just say no.

"This is a worse decision than when you filled your liquor cabinet at home. You have plenty to intoxicate yourself with at home. Not as if I prefer it. Why are we here?"

His familiar thought to him, staying hidden from the other two. Artemis knew it was best not to reveal your hand right away, especially in strange places.

But Kap was also really good at ignoring the little bird brain by now. Artemis was always wary. It was just some drinks and talk; damn.

He threw back a swallow of his drink, swallowing hard. He gave a heavy sigh, setting the nearly empty glass down for the moment. "Just like damn candy..." And like candy, he already wanted another. "You might as well start another one of those for me," he noted to the bartender.

He looked to his company then, glancing to his drink. Spicy, probably. Kap wasn't too good with spice, even though he liked to think he was. "Yeah... fun..." he paused, thinking back. He kept doing that. Woo woo. Emmie would get a kick out of saying that. Probably would be hollering it out and running about... it was still hard to accept he wouldn't witness something like that again.

"You already want another drink? You just got here! You're going to set yourself in and early grave!"

the Potoo thought to him.

"Early grave... sounds nice..." he mumbled the words, and just then the familiar decided to force itself out, stomping on his head for saying such a thing.

"You're completely unreasonable, Kap!"

He grumbled, waving a hand up to make the bird fly up to avoid being swatted away. "This is Artemis. My pain in the ass.

[attr="class","kap"]The great potoo looked to the offered perch, but wary as it was, he ended up settling back down closer to Kap, landing on the table. It was not the most comfortable for he talons, but he would do for the moment.

"I'll say, she looks absolutely murderous..."

not the best place for a bird of his stature to be.

Kap rolled his eyes. Whatever. He was good at playing nonchalant. Good, until someone touched one of his weak points. The touch was soothing, and not exactly unwelcome, but the sensation had him twisting inside. A sudden rush of anxiety that had him flinching, but baring through it. "Look, ah... I..." he turned into a confused and bashful mess over it, eyes darting away. No. No way this guy was hitting on a sack of depressive shit like him. The signs were all there, but Kap wasn't much of a prize so the motive was weak. He wouldn't insult him and insinuate.

"My hair does end up getting mussed often thanks to that one."

"Well, if you listened to any sense, you wouldn't need me to knock it back into you!"

The familiar huffed and turned away.

Kap rolled his eyes again, then downed the rest of his drink as his refill came around. This was the one to nurse. "You wanted a story. I uh... I can't really think of stories right now. None that everyone doesn't already know." And that was all that was left on his mind anymore. He lowered his gaze, shaking his head, "used to be pretty good at story telling, too..." Was that why Zephyr wanted him here? Just to hear more about the man that dropped everything and destroying his life? Maybe the drink isn't the only dangerous thing tonight, he wondered to himself. But still, he stayed where he was, and didn't intend to move anytime soon.

[attr="class","kap"]Being a bit harsh! Well, the potoo had never heard such-...! It fluffed up it's chest in a huff, then settled down grumpily. It also had lost a great deal. Some more than Kap. He lost his home, and being tethered to someone as naturally poisonous as Kap, he lost his health with nothing he could do about it. And, he felt as if his partner was slipping away from him. Maybe one day soon, he'd lose him too. He had every right to be harsh. Such selfish behavior.

Kap shook his head and sipped at his drink again, "don't mind him. It doesn't bother me. It's nice having someone willing to expend that much energy just to care about you."

"Nice! So you're enjoying this! How will you ever learn, Kap..."

"Probably won't," he muttered back, eyes fading away at the shelves of drinks in front of him. He was mulling over what Zephyr had asked. What kind of stories did he enjoy telling. Well, he'd never been one to talk about work, but missions. Even fabricated ones. Anything that made Emmie's imagination go wild.

"Stories about knights in armor, fighting off daemons. Keeping our streets safe. Stories about princesses in faraway lands that fell for a common man, and the struggles they bared until they were happily reunited and wed. I loved making up stories for my kid to lull her to sleep. Then I'd go into topography. The different places she had yet to see, like the sandstorms in Myca, or-" he was getting a little carried away, wasn't he?

He chuckled nervously and dropped his gaze down, "I just loved watching the way her eyes lit up with wonder." He hesitated, swallowed, then shook his head, "sorry. Got mouthy there."

[attr="class","kap"]Those words oddly placated him. He wasn't expecting to be settled by them so much, his body slouching forward against the bar counter as he nodded along to Zephyr. He hadn't been thinking of it like that. His mind felt numb, barely managing to see the view the other man brought forth to him. It was so much nicer than what he'd had bouncing around in his noggin. "All I could think about for weeks was how I could never tell her those again... and there you are reminding me of the good that's still left in it all..."

He paused, then sank back another gulp of his drink. It was effecting him, he could feel it now. He felt more at ease. This was what he needed right here; the peace of mind. A chance to unwind the knots in his psyche and allow himself a chance to breath again. "Thank you. I really needed to hear something like that. To be honest, as much as I crave understanding and sympathy from people, all I get is judgement or pity. And it feels annoying. Gross. I already have enough of that for myself."

He hesitated, then cleared his throat, one hand coming up to brush away a rogue tear. "I still can't get over th' way they passed... it's my fault, all of it."

[attr="class","kap"]All of it? He asked, and Kap struggled. That was a sign, he noted to himself. He was struggling to accept it even if he stated it as a fact. He sank his head forward, white knuckling his glass, mind so used to agreeing with the vomit of words that destroyed him from the inside out, but now... it's weird how simple small things like a small question made one think. "None of it..." he mumbled softly, sinking more. The truth he just didn't want to realize. "It's easier to say it's your fault when you're the last one that can tell the tail."

He hesitated a long, long moment, watching as the ice cubes melted, clinking when they gaze into gravity. He needed more, he thought to himself. This wasn't going to be enough. So, he sank the rest back, then set the glass away from him and nodded to the bartender.

Artemis sink in on himself, looking sorrowfully at Kap's defeated form,

"there was nothing you could do that you had not already done, Kap. You did your best."

"Well, wish I died a war hero than lived and watched my comrades fall. Now I'm just the coward that ran." At least, that's how he'd already heard the tale strong. "I was working. My family showed up. And it was as if everything just wanted to go wrong that could go wrong. Two daemons, ripped everyone to shreds. One of the guards died saving me. My kid died in my arms. All I could do was watch her slip away."

"You needn't say all of this, Kap,"

Artemis tried to warn him.

"Easier to swallow my failures if I say them aloud," he grumbled back and shook his head. He could feel himself choking. The tears were starting to draw up. "What else can I do?"

[attr="class","kap"]Artemis looked up at the man's request, puffing out his chest for a moment, but there was no hostility there. Just anxiety. He relinquished himself, instead taking to nestling in the spot he was and getting comfortable for a long conversation.

Kap's gaze looked lost in the sea as Zephyr spoke. He was right. It was burning him up from the inside out. And there was no end in sight. No, there was one end. He was too much a coward to walk that final path.

His gaze turned down to the grip on his shoulder, and he melted. The touch. He was starving for it, and it had him leaning just a bit closer into it. "Yeah," he mumbled drunkenly. He didn't deserve it. But really, his wife and kid didn't deserve it. He''d been the one messing with things he shouldn't have. Studying a rift in stasis. Tearing it open before it could rip itself open. Tempting fate until it could find where the hurt him the worst.

Did he want to forget?

To fix things for others?

To hurt those that hurt him?

Or to drown behind a bottle?

He glanced down at the drink in melancholy, fingers dancing across the condensation to make it pool into little droplets. It was hard to form an answer. Just situations. "I-..." he looked down, sullen, "if I could, I'd fix things. But, I don't know if I'm capable of anything but drowning now. Hard to see anything when you're at the bottom of a barrel." He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He was trying to hold the tears bristling in his eyes. "Every time I hear a fucking sneer at me for leaving- gods... I wish I had it in me to give them a taste-... all of that. Except one. Forgetting means forgetting they ever lived. I refuse to do that to them. I'll take the bad, if it means I still get to keep the good." Fuck he was a chatterbox when he was drunk.

Or always.